


Sandwich Thief

by your_cringy_father



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, M/M, Office AU, Platonic Relationships, cute fluffy mess, listen, no beta we die like men, patton makes puns, platonic fluff, so many puns, they work in an office i guess?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-19
Updated: 2019-09-19
Packaged: 2020-10-21 14:02:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20694737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/your_cringy_father/pseuds/your_cringy_father
Summary: Someone has been stealing Logan's sandwiches from the office fridge. He needs to find out who.--Im sorry im terrible at writing romance so platonic fluff





	Sandwich Thief

**Author's Note:**

> tw: food mention, slight sexual mention because Remus is here but its so brief just if you see remus skip that paragraph

Logan slammed his hands down his co-cubical partner Virgil’s desk, startling the other out of the intense game of solitaire he was currently clicking away through. 

“Jesus, Lo, what the--” 

“This is the fifth time someone has STOLEN my lunch from the fridge Virgil and I am about to file a WARRANT--” 

“That is definitely not how it works.”

“I will have a WARRANT out for the arrest Virgil, I will start an investigation.” 

“You’re a crime statistics major, Logan, you know that’s not how it works.” 

“This is a crime that cannot go unpunished.” He hisses under his breath, moving away from Virgil’s desk to sit at his own, mirrored on the left side of their small corner of the department. 

“Can’t you just go out for lunch with the others?” Virgil offers, raising an eyebrow and shrugging his shoulders. He was currently picking through his stray leftovers from his and Patton’s walk to the iHop. 

“Virgil these lunches are very important to me.” Logan huffs, placing the empty tupperware box on his minimalist designed desk. He pulls back a silver ball on his Newton’s Cradle and watches it click back and forth in an attempt to calm down. “I’ve made them specifically to balance my day to day nutrition in accordance to my exercise habits--” 

“It’s like, 90 percent crofters jelly on bread.” 

“Extremely important nutritional meal.” Logan interjects, pulling open a desk drawer and unwrapping a protein bar to eat in lieu of his stolen meal.

Virgil shovels another mouthful of syrup drenched pancake into his mouth, clearly thinking hard on the subject. Meaningless conversations like this were prime Virgil entertainment while he waited for office complaints to roll in. Being I.T. for the government was pretty boring sometimes. Which, he often defended, was the perfect way to be an anarchist who hates government. 

“Did you ever consider writing your name on your box?” Virgil tries, pretty much anticipating the answer he’ll get back.

“I don’t need to put my name on a box, Virgil, it should be obvious that one does not take another person’s lunch from a fridge!” Logan exclaims, throwing his hands up and accidentally bumping a small trinket leaning on the small privacy wall that separated their corner from another's. Virgil winces when he hears soft grumbling. 

“Sorry, Dee.” Logan says flatly. 

“No, it’s totally fine Logan. I definitely won’t be super bitter about this at the next meeting.” Damien responds from the other side of the divider.

“Stop putting your plastic toys on my wall then.” 

“How about you stop knocking off my snake collections, Professor X?” 

Logan ignores him, simply snorting and rolling his eyes. Virgil shakes his head, tugging on his hoodie’s strings absentmindedly. 

“I mean, at this point you might as well just watch the thing until you see the culprit.” He scoffs, clicking open a few new tabs on his laptop, not seriously considering the idea. 

He stops when he doesn’t hear Logan discard it. 

Virgil peeks over his laptop and sees Logan sitting there, staring in awe at the casually clad man. 

“No.” 

“Virgil that’s a great idea! It was so simple, I never thought of it…”

“No, no way. You’re not seriously thinking about doing that are you? You have a job to do.” Virgil immediately recoiled in on himself, “Oh god, did I just say that? I really am turning into Patton.” 

Logan wasn’t listening, rather he was working again-- his lunch bar half out of his mouth as he started writing down particular numbers and percents on a printed document. 

“What are you--” Virgil starts

“If I stay late and finish tomorrow’s work today, then I will have ample time to take a longer lunch break, when I am to assume my lunch is being taken from it’s rightful owner.” He explains, muffled by the chewing. 

“Yeah? What if an emergency happens or something, like you’re always going on about when I take a damn bathroom break?” 

Logan stops for a moment, considering the possibility, then looks up at Virgil with what he assumes is his attempt at puppy-dog eyes. 

Virgil groans, “Fine. I’ll let you know if something happens. You OWE me, dude.” 

Logan smiles in return, “Immeasurably.” And continues his work. 

Virgil pretends the compliment doesn’t warm his heart. He really was getting weaker for his co-workers. He slides down in his chair and peruses Remus’ emails that were very obviously caused by going on some porn site again. Dude never learned. 

He steadies himself and prepares to walk all the way to the basement, leaving a hardworking Logan while he goes to tell Remus that when they say “hot singles in your area” they’re not telling the truth. 

\--

It’s almost creepy how good Logan is at stalking, when he puts effort into it. 

Virgil was just walking with Patton to the water cooler, just past the lunch area, when he hears a hushed, “Psst!” From his left. Virgil nearly jumps out of his skin as the large plant next to the vending machines grows a human form, scarily similar to his good friend Logan. 

It takes all of Virgil’s efforts not to burst out laughing. 

“Are you… are you hiding behind a plant?” He chokes out, trying to stop himself from smiling. 

“Keep your voice down!” Logan huffs, shoulders hunching. His outfit was the same as almost every day, except instead of his tie’s usual blue- it was a dark green. Was this… Was this his idea of camouflage? 

“Lo...gan?” Patton inquires, giggling, “What’s going on?” 

“I’m conducting a stake out to see who has been stealing my lunches.” 

“You’re stalking our co-workers.” Virgil simplifies, much to Logan’s disgust. 

“Now, now, Virgil, Logan is trying his best! He deserves some encourage-MINT.” Patton grins. Virgil tries hard to hide his laughter behind his hands as Logan stares daggers at the blue clad HR Advisor. 

“Besides, I’m always okay with coworkers in-TREE-ducing themselves to one another, finally.” Patton continues, this time earning a rolling laughter from Virgil and a groaning Logan.

“Please leaf--Leave.” Logan corrects, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Oh come on, you meant that one.” Virgil laughs, pointing accusatoringly at him.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Logan seethes, hiding himself behind his plant, “Please leave me to my investigations.” 

The duo laughs to themselves and make their exit. 

Almost as soon as they leave, another perpetrator enters the space. 

Logan strains to remember their name, though he thinks he’s heard it before. The man walking to the fridge was of average build, dark hair and tan skin. 

He thinks he saw him in the company picnic, but the events are so dull that Logan is barely cohesive for the entire time. It’s hard to say whether they’ve interacted before. 

Needless to say, Logan watches with excitement in his chest as he sees the man opens the fridge, dip in, and pull out HIS tupperware box. Sandwich, veggies, hummus, yes-- the whole package. It was definitely Logan’s lunch. As the other shuts the door, Logan can no longer hold himself back.

He leaps out from behind the plant, pointing angrily at the theif; “YOU! You’re the person who’s been stealing my lunch!” Logan roars, fuming. 

The perpetrator blinks, confused, and obviously scared shitless from this tall, skinny, nerd staring and pointing at him. 

“I…” The man thinks for a moment, “What?” 

“You! You’ve been stealing my lunch! Yes, finally, I’ve caught you in the middle of the crime! That, you rapskallion, is my lunch that you are holding in your hands!” Logan can’t help but gloat, sweating from the adrenaline. 

“Uhm… Okay?” The man purses his lips, drumming his fingers awkwardly on the plastic, “I mean, I would agree with you if this… was your lunch?” The guy grimaces in sympathy. 

“I--Yes, yes it is! It very clearly is! Look-- that is very clearly my crofters sandwich with carrots and--” 

“No, it really isn’t.” The guy tries, holding up the box and shaking the contents. Logan chokes on his words as he sees in the box was not baby carrots, but rather celery sticks.

He stumbles, mouth agape. 

Oh. 

Logan can’t even respond. He believes Virgil calls this “Logan.exe has stopped processing correctly”. 

“But h-how…” Logan mutters, defeated. 

The man, who he thought was a thief, opens the fridge doors to show there was another plastic container with the same colored top and near identical contents- spare a small container of baby carrots Logan definitely packed. 

“But… so my lunches…” 

The guy pushes past a stray brown paper bag to show a small stack of three lunches with Logan’s lunch within. He had been taking this other man’s plastic tupperware and bringing it home with him, thinking it was his eaten lunch. 

Rather, this man had been eating his lunch, perhaps at an earlier hour, and Logan had been blaming him for eating his own lunches that had just been pushed behind other meals. 

“... I cannot begin to express my apologies--” Logan starts, fumbling through his words. Oh my god, he just yelled at a co-worker for something he hadn’t even done. He had falsely accused someone of a crime. He was no Sherlock Holmes, he was a regular mess up Watson!

The other shakes his head, “No, it’s alright! Now I know who’s been clogging up the fridge! I was close to questing after to find you today, right the wrongs of whomever has been stealing space within this cold abyss of a fridge!” He says, throwing up a small pose that Logan detests. 

The two of them pull their heads out of the fridge and the man holds out his hand, “Roman Prince. I work with Patton in HR sometimes, but you can usually find me coordinating events and stuff like that.” 

“...Logan Bridgeman.” Logan takes his hand, hopeful that maybe this Roman won’t tell HR and get him suspended, or worse-- Fired. He pulls back, fiddling with his tie. 

“Green?” Roman asks, trying to be kind but the undertone implied slight disgust. 

“I’m not a fan. It was simply for disguise purposes. I wear as little green as possible, going for the more temperate and calm blue shades.” 

Roman nods, satisfied by his answer. He smiles, gesturing to his lunch. 

“Alright Logan, if you haven’t been eating your lunch for the past few days- would you rather share with me?” 

“I can take what’s left in the fridge!” Logan quips in return, trying to brush past the compliment, but Roman shakes off the mere idea with a hand. 

“Nonsense! I promise I make an excellent lunch. Crofters is a good choice of jelly, but when you pair it with a grilled chicken-- I promise it’s almost ten times more spectacular tasting! Is there anything you can’t make fantastic, you little jelly?” Roman says the last part to himself, almost weepy at the thought of finally having lunch at 2:00 in the afternoon. 

Logan concedes when Roman opens the box and his stomach rolls with hunger. It truly has been awhile, and Roman seems like rather fun company-- though overwhelming at times. 

“...Alright.” 

He decides fraternizing with the enemy isn’t the worst choice he’s made.


End file.
